Lazy Sunday
by stanley T
Summary: The everyday lives of the Teen Titans are a lot less family-friendly than what happens in the cartoon. With Clerks inspired dialogue and relationship drama, this is the Titans dealing with love, ennui, and needlessly revealing costumes.
1. Chapter 1

It was a bright summer morning in Jump City.

Men and women were leaving for work, children were running outside to go play, and on a small island just off the shore, superheroes were vigilantly protecting the city's peace.

Truly an idyllic scene safe for the entire family.

"Look, Robin, all I'm saying is that Tamaranians must keep their vital organs in their boobs, because there's NO WAY any human girl could have a waistline like Starfire's!"

At Cyborg's analysis, Robin had no idea whether to be embarrassed, mortified, angry, or aroused. He managed to express them all at the same time, and yet none of them. That's how ninja Robin was.

"I'll be in the training room, if anyone needs me..." Was the only thing he could manage before storming out of the main room as quickly as possible.

Cyborg waited until Robin was completely out of earshot before he broke into a wild fit of laughter from getting his teammate so good.

"You are hardly in any position to laugh, Cyborg," Raven said, entering the main room from the front door, "Jinx was something of a stick herself, wasn't she?" The empath did not wait for a reply as she moved past him in search of her morning tea. Her words stopped his laughter immediately and her looked at her thoughtfully, as if carefully thinking about his friend's feelings.

Cyborg nodded apologetically. "You're right Raven. I'd be a hypocrite unless I dated women who had more meat on their bones." He tapped his chin in thought. "What are you doing this Friday?"

Damn, he was on a roll this morning. Raven only glared at him before taking her tea and heading up to her room. He chuckled a little, knowing full well he'd get his ass kicked later for the dig. However, Cyborg figured that Raven returning back to Titan's Tower this early in the morning meant she was either extremely tired from a night patrol, or massively hungover.

Either way, he was safe until at least the afternoon.

He plopped down in front of the couch and picked up a video game controller. Before he could start, though, a very disheveled green-skinned boy fell onto the couch beside him.

"Hey Beast Boy."

"Urgh..." Beast Boy groaned, trying to rub the deep bags under his eyes away. "What... _day _is it?" "Sunday." Cyborg informed. "What have you and Raven been up to?" He asked. Beast Boy picked up a controller and joined Cyborg's game. "Patrol." He answered. "Bullshit, dude. What were you really up to?" Cyborg countered. Beast Boy hardly had the energy to argue, so he replied, "We went on another date. It went... pretty well, from what I can remember." Ah, hungover then, Cyborg concluded.

"So what were you and Robin talking about?" Beast Boy asked.

"Starfire." Cyborg answered. "Oh... have you noticed she has a freaky waist?" Beast Boy asked. "I know, right?" Cyborg replied. There was some silence between the two as they continued their game. After a time, Beast Boy finally asked, "And what about Bumblebee?" "What about her?" "How many black girls have you met with an ass that small?" Beast Boy asked. Cyborg initially was going to say about whether or not that last question was racist, but he had to admit- he couldn't think of any. "Huh." Cyborg replied.

"Man, Glen Murakami doesn't know shit about anatomy."

"Well yeah... she's still hot, though." Cyborg defended. "Oh, hell yeah." Beast Boy agreed. They high-fived, and returned to their game. "Wait..." Beast Boy said, suddenly getting the feeling that he was about to be in serious trouble, like a strong disturbance in the force.

He turned around to see four red eyes set upon him.

"What about Bumblebee, Beast Boy?" She asked. Raven was still hungover, but she intended to bring that pain back tenfold. "Well..." Beast Boy began, trying to think of a good answer. "I haven't forgotten about you, Cyborg!" She said demonically. Cyborg had been attempting to escape while she was distracted. Didn't work.

Cyborg gulped in fear. He was about to be eaten by pissed off hungover girl.

He wished he could say that he hadn't expected something like that happening anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

For everyone who believed what they read in the news, Jump City was attacked by super villains practically every week. This kept the citizens voting for superhero-friendly laws, which in turn attracted more super villains. It was a cruel and ridiculous cycle perpetrated by the world's greatest organization of villains- the anchormen and women of cable TV.

The truth was, many more days than not, the Teen Titans had nothing to do. No Slade-bots to fight, no magicians, fat nerds, monsters, or British people to fight. This caused problems for Robin. Because as the leader of the Titans, he had to make sure his team stayed sharp. Boredom could make even the greatest hero weak and soft. Boredom could also cause Cyborg to give him relationship advice, or worse, cause Beast Boy to be painfully honest.

* * *

Morning sunlight poured into the main room of Titan's Tower. It was another bright and sunny day in Jump City, and Robin was having a cup of coffee while examining the latest police reports. Although honestly, he was only partly invested in his work today. He had gone out on a date with Starfire last night (well, neither of them had gone so far to call it a date, but...) and it did not work out all that well. Oh, they managed the small-talk fine, but whenever the conversation ever got close to something serious, Robin got embarrassed and Starfire just blinked innocently in confusion. Needless to say, the date went nowhere and Robin had a pair of very sore blue eggs by the end of it.

"So, Robin, can I ask you a question?" Beast Boy asked.

Robin looked back to see Beast Boy eating a handful of some cereal while reading a book that was resting on the table.

"Are you reading an actual _book_, Beast Boy?" Robin asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah, Raven gave it to me. But I still got a question for you." Beast Boy answered, his eyes never leaving the pages. "Just between two dudes in tights... how do you keep your junk from getting too obvious?" Robin groaned, "Is this... really necessary?" "Hell yeah it's necessary." Beast Boy said without a hint of humor in his voice. "It's fine most of the time, but if Raven bends over, or Starfire gets into another catfight with Kitty, these tights end up being a little too _form-fitting_, if you know what I mean..." Robin really wished he didn't know what Beast Boy meant. "And I can't wear a cup or anything like that, considering it's tricky enough to shapeshift with this spandex in the first place." Beast Boy continued. The automatic doors slid open and Starfire floated into the room with her usual perky demeanor.

"Glorious morning, friends!" She greeted. "... So by the end of the day my testicles are about as rubbed and chafed as a pair of bowling shoes." Beast Boy finished. Starfire froze, her eyes wide and her expression unreadable. "_Starfire!_ Wait, this isn't-!" Robin exclaimed. "Goodbye, friends!" Starfire said as politely as possible, before flying out of the room at top speed. "Dammit." Robin swore. He got out of his seat and rushed towards the door. He stopped in front of Beast Boy, wondering just what to say to him. "Look, you should..." He had nothing. "...Whatever." Then he quickly left to chase after Starfire.

Cyborg entered the room just as Robin raced out of it. "Woah!" He exclaimed. Cyborg looked as if he was about to ask Beast Boy what had just happened, but apparently decided against it. "So what's up, man?" Cyborg asked, moving to the fridge. "Nothing much." Beast Boy answered, his eyes still on the book. Cyborg opened up the fridge and grabbed a leftover slice of pizza. "Cool. What are you reading?" Beast Boy shrugged. "I dunno- it's some book Raven gave me. It's not bad." He said. Cyborg chuckled. "Ha, so she's already got you whipped." "Nah, it's a relationship of give and get. She _gave_ me a book that I'd never read normally, but if I do, I _get _head. I'm not complaining." Beast Boy explained. "Nice." They high-fived.

He stopped reading for a moment, then added, "Although, if I give her my opinion on her leotard, I get an asskicking. Sometimes including an actual whip." Cyborg stopped in mid-bite at his friend's confession. Beast Boy then returned to his book.

Robin trudged back into the main room, looking frustrated and defeated. Cyborg finally swallowed and greeted his friend, "Morning." Robin only grunted in reply. Cyborg frowned in confusion. "What's Robin's deal?" "Girl trouble." Beast Boy answered. Robin's eye twitched. "Look, it's nothing." He said firmly. "We should be focusing on preparing for the next attack on the city." Cyborg groaned. "Aw, c'mon man, unless we're fighting Slade or someone important, we usually end up beating the bad guy by learning something about friendship or some other teen drama bullshit." Robin was unfazed. "Then we train to be prepared against Slade, or 'someone important'." Cyborg and Robin briefly stared each other down. This time, Robin won.

Cyborg looked away and slumped in his seat. "And even still! I'm not sure Slade is this badass he's played up to be. If he was so good, why does he always lose to a bunch of teenagers? I mean, what kind of thrashing would a guy like the Batman give him if he'd already been killed by a skinny blonde girl once?" Cyborg asked. Beast Boy shook his head, "C'mon, you've at least got to admit he's got a seriously badass voice. He sounds just like Ron Perlman, man!" Beast Boy grinned slightly. "Have you guys seen _Hellboy_? Ever since I saw that flick I've had a huge man-crush on Ron Perlman's voice."

Robin tried deciphering the meaning of that, futilely. "Okay," Cyborg acquiesced. "Slade DOES has a badass voice."

Raven entered the room silently. She looked to Beast Boy impassively. "You ready?" She asked. Beast Boy slammed the book shut and ran up quickly to her side. "Always. See ya later guys!" Beast Boy called. The two of them left without another word. Robin sighed in relief. He was grateful that he wouldn't have to deal with more awkward conversations. At least until Starfire came back, that is. Cyborg looked thoughtful and, out of curiosity, picked up the book Beast Boy was reading. The color immediately drained from his face. "Oh no... you were right Robin. There is trouble coming..." Robin turned quickly to Cyborg, his serious expression showing clearly. "What is it?!" "This..." Cyborg said quietly, lifting up the book to reveal the title.

On the front of the book was one word- one word all men of this day feared-

_Twilight. _


End file.
